Autumn Leaves.

It feels like it’s been a million years since I’ve blogged…

There is something very calming about knowing that the seasons are finally changing. I can already feel summer being swept out of the house like particles of dirt from the bottom of muddy soles, remnants of a beautiful experience that must nudge away from the world to make way for new memories in a season that is as fresh and crisp as the dry leaves she brings.

Don’t get me wrong—I had one incredible summer. I remember just a few months ago, getting nervous about heading back to work at Disney World. What if everything was different? What if I could not remember how to do the job that had started to haunt my dreams? (Literally- my roommate said that I would shoot up in my bed, yelling “Pull up on your lap bar!”) But I returned to Florida, and, as every single one of my friends predicted, I could barely pull myself away to come back to Arkansas. In fact, I probably could have been convinced to stay, transfer and all, just by looking at my best friend’s face as we talked into the night about everything, or by gazing at that big beautiful roller coaster of a mountain, all lit up and framed by the stars. Sleeping on a couch didn’t faze me. I mean, it may have hurt my back a little bit. And it made me appreciate my real bed so much more. But summer is over, and while I sometimes still cling to those memories, I know that God has so much more in store for me.

And autumn is the perfect season to introduce me back into the real world. This weekend, we had our coldest temperatures yet, and you better believe I strutted out of the house in a flannel shirt and boots. My entire house smells like I imagine heaven to smell—all pumpkin spice-y—and I cannot wait to start doing my homework on the patio with a blanket around my shoulders, watching the wind bully the fallen leaves around the yard and the sky pull its dark shades over the day so much earlier than in the summertime.

The more I think about the changing seasons, the more I think about the changing me. I took some time (procrastination, really, from my Minority Literature take-home midterm) and read my old blogs. I was amazed to read how tentative I sounded sometimes, at least in regards to life. After this summer, I feel beyond ready to grab Life with my bare hands and just shake him until my future falls out like a bunch of stars from the sky, a little scathed, but leaping with anticipation in my warm palms. I want so many things, and I’ve somehow gained the courage to go after them. I’m not sure when it struck, but when I think of Confident Brittany, I think of her being born at Big Thunder Mountain Railroad in clunky Timberland boots and a half-smile on my face as I hum the instrumental version of Old Yeller playing in the station, waving to the guests as a train pulls in. And now I’m back and I’m so open to change. I want to backpack across Europe. I want to study abroad, maybe at Oxford. Because what’s it going to hurt to apply? I want a puppy to train impeccably (his name shall be Gatsby). I want to meet people who will open my mind up to new possibilities, peel back the layers of remaining insecurity and just plant little seeds of happiness there. I want to write and travel, write and travel, write and travel. (To quote Mumford & Sons' new song, "I'm a hopeless wanderer!") Finish this dang novel that consumes my whirring mind as I try to sleep.

But for now, I’m going to take baby steps. Like the changing seasons, not everything can happen all at once. I’ve joined a sorority, a decision that has proven to keep me both busy and happy. I’ve made new friends. I’ve changed my favorite Star Wars movie from Return of the Jedi to The Empire Strikes Back (I know, I know—all those years of bickering…). And most of all, I’ve become happy with myself and the way I’m choosing to both plan my life, but remember that there is someone else helping me out too, and no matter what happens, God will make sure that everything will be okay. I learned that the first time after leaving Disney. The hard way…but that’s okay.

Okay. Rambling time over. I miss blogging sometimes! I’m not sure who reads it anyway, but as a writer, every outlet counts.

As for the autumn, I hope everyone enjoys it. Those leaves don’t stay fiery forever, and the wind turns a little too bitter after a while. But that just means we have something else to look forward to-  fall’s sister, beautiful, glorious winter.  : )